God has quite a sense of humor, but I think he had good intentions when he created me with OCD. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is like its own superpower, especially on the good days when the hyper-focus, attention to detail has me flying through tasks, checking off all the list item boxes (love my lists!), and feeling confident.
But then there are low days where the anxiety and depression find footholds to cling to: beeping the car lock three times to be absolutely sure it’s secure, having a spreadsheet for practically everything to ensure nothing has been forgotten, obsessing over the placement of things until it feels “just right”… These are the days where the compulsions do little to quiet the obsessive focus on needing to be perfect and to never mess anything up, because no one is better at beating me up than my own mind during these lows.
OCD has made me a constant worrier and a professional over-thinker, like multiple radios all playing different channels at the exact same time. As tasks and stressors are cleared, a radio turns off.
Keeping it to only a few radios is manageable, but too many morphs the mellow sound into a loud roar in my head – all the thoughts jangling to be heard and vying to be the main focus. The radios only turn off when a task is fully completed. For me, that means working through things in my mind constantly until they can be accepted as ‘done’.
The Symphony of Thoughts
It was one of those seasons where the radios seemed to multiply daily. Each commitment, each responsibility added another station to the mix: full-time church admin work, home life, being mom to Aspen, and trying to nurture my creative business. The constant background noise of ‘not doing enough’ and ‘falling behind’ kept getting louder, drowning out the quieter stations that usually brought peace.
Every completed task would silence one radio, but three more seemed to switch on in its place. The harmony I usually found between faith, family, and creativity was becoming lost in the static of too many stations playing at once. Even my evening creative sessions, usually a sanctuary of calm, became another frequency competing to be heard.
In one of those moments where the noise felt overwhelming, I realized too many radios were on and blaring. More were turning on day by day, and I needed to dial them back. For me, it was about seeking the quiet moments to be open to the Holy Spirit for guidance on where my true focus and intentions should be. Though I knew what I needed to do, too many radios were on already.
The demand of a world that shouts out about hustling and pushing yourself further every day was overtaking the things I knew to be a deeper truth. Matthew 11:28 says ‘Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.’
My soul cried out for this rest that Jesus spoke of, but the tangle of a secular world urging for more was smothering the plea.
When I think back to that time now, I see clearly places where I compromised and gave in to outside influences rather than holding to what I knew was best for me. I allowed my boundaries to become misshapen, which gave way for things to creep into my day and steal the peace I wanted and needed so much.
So here comes a Sunday morning – I remember with crisp clarity hearing our organist play through his morning service prelude and the cloud of obsessive thoughts were cycling through my head, the same questions I’d been praying over and over: “What am I doing wrong?” “What do I need to do?” “Why do I feel so stuck?” “Why can’t I do better?” And this simple, firm voice said, “You’re trying too hard.”
The beautiful thing about this moment is that right before I heard the words spoken to me, all the radios went silent.
The Divine Whisper
Do you feel like you’ve heard God speak to you? Have you felt the Holy Spirit press something so hard on your heart that you’re sure it’ll leave a bruise? But those words were like a balm and filled me with a warm acceptance — something I didn’t question, because I suddenly knew exactly what to do, like a full upload confirming that I needed to place God at the very center of my life. Everything I’d been taught pressed with reassurance on me and I felt a deep peace.
This was my anchor point, and little did I know I would especially need it over the next few weeks. On August 21, 2024, I took Aspen to get some things checked out with our family doctor because the gut feeling wouldn’t go away. Moms… always listen to your gut.
No sooner had we arrived in Fort Worth, Aspen received a diagnosis of Type 1 Diabetes. While we’ve had a lot of time to adapt since then, it felt huge and scary in the moment – especially the 2+ hour drive to the hospital without any direction or answers other than “Go now, as quickly and safely as you can.”
This anchor point – this voice touching my heart and bringing me back to the core of what I knew to be the deepest truth – kept me firmly planted in my faith where I could seek comfort and rest. Looking back, I see how God was preparing me through that moment of stillness, that divine whisper of ‘You’re trying too hard.’ He knew what lay ahead with Aspen’s diagnosis and was already teaching me to quiet those racing thoughts, to find harmony even when the radios played at full volume.
The radios all played a piece of the greater song – so even though stations turned on and off as needed and wove in and out of each other, they all played in beautiful harmony without stealing my sense of overall peace.
Friends, we are not built to carry so many things with us.
We were not intended to stretch ourselves to the max, cramming more and more into every moment until we can’t hear the whisper of God through the noise of the radios. It’s ok to slow down – we do not need to run at the same pace of the world around us. It’s ok to savor our time with God, and truly be open to hearing him through his Word and through our prayers.
In the end, I’m glad I caught on and listened to what he was trying to tell me – I can’t imagine
being anywhere else in my relationship with God, my family, my church home, and my work.
Finding Peace in Creation
‘For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.’ – Psalm 139:13-14
I appreciate that God made me exactly the way he planned, OCD included. What others might see as overwhelming attention to detail becomes a gift in my artistic practice.
Those same ‘radios’ that can overwhelm in daily life transform into channels of creativity. When I’m in the right headspace, these multiple streams of thought converge into a single, powerful flow of creative energy.
The world seems to fade away, and every part of my focus narrows down to the new piece I’m creating – each detail, each pattern, each stroke becoming a prayer of its own.
An Invitation to Rest
At the end of the day, I think he has led me down a winding path in my art journey but with clear intention. Through the breaking, we discover the beauty in each moment – in the gentle sweep of a watercolor brush, in the meditative flow of pattern designs, in the quiet whispers of creativity that speak of His presence. We are better able to appreciate the intricate details of his creation when we create from a place of rest rather than striving.
This is what Jesus meant when He called the weary to come – not to stop all activity, but to find rest in the midst of it. In my studio, as evening settles and the day’s demands quiet down, I’ve found that art becomes a form of prayer, each stroke a conversation with the Divine. Whether it’s the precise patterns of Zentangle, the flow of paint across canvas, or the gentle dabbing of watercolors, every creative act becomes an opportunity to rest in His presence.
I’d love for you to experience this journey of finding rest through prayerful art with me. Whether you’re new to art or a seasoned creator, there’s a sacred space for you here in our creative community. Join me Thursday evenings at 7 pm CST for our live creative sessions on Facebook at SCS Designs Co., where we’ll explore this beautiful intersection of faith and creativity together. No experience necessary – just bring your open heart and willingness to create in community.
Grace, Peace, + Mercy,
Samantha
About the Author: Samantha is a faith-inspired artist and founder of SCS Designs Co., where she combines her love for art, faith, and community through creative expression.
Sprinkle some joy in the comments! 🎨